It took me a while to start writing again.
If someone would have told me that I ended up writing this piece today, I would have laughed and said that I was not a victim but was simply living the most intense love story.
For my readers, please forgive me in advance if my writing is not as good as you would expect; as a non-native English speaker, words may not always be accurate or right to the point and grammar mistakes may happen. I hope you will get the most important part behind it, the feelings, the emotions and the state of hopeless despair I have been through.
How do you realise you have been confronted to a narcissist?
You may have had some hints there and there with some situations that did not feel right, words or sentences you thought were inappropriate and this constant feeling that you have been facing something (or someone) is too perfect to be true. But the moment you finally realise is when you experience the silent treatment which lasts longer than the previous one.
You start then doing some research, looking at answers because there is nothing in your heart or in your mind that makes any sense. I even reached out to him to confront him and ask what happened.
When he finally told me that that I did nothing wrong, I understood after the long silent treatment, the attacks, the sick mind games that I was done.
I tried to give all the love I could, teach him how to open up, how to feel… but now that I have searched for answers and I know that he presents all the signs of a narcissist. And that our relationship never existed.
Then you look at the past two years in fast rewind. Coming back at moments when the man you loved gave you some indications.
Because he knows what he is like and he knows that at one point he is going to hurt you.
Shortly after we went back together a year ago, he shared this song with me (as we mostly communicated via songs and lyrics) and it said it all. A beautiful song that makes me love him more than ever but also warned me about his personality.